I remember when I first discovered internet porn – I was 17 years old. It's relieving to get this off my chest, thank you.Here I was, a man who is striving to be an ally to women, perpetuating a culture of violence. I guess that's the big difference between us and why it's hard for me to wrap my head around these ideas. For him, he could have sex with someone and be completely detached from that person intimately/mentally. I wonder if it's similar?Įvery sexual endeavor I've had has emotion behind it, I knew the person for a stretch before doing the deed. Like how losing your virginity is uncoordinated and stressful, but once you've had some practice it becomes awesome. I imagine having threeways/swapping is something of an acquired taste. When I've brought up him experimenting with another guy it seems to make him squirm, so I've just let it alone. I guess, really, I wish he'd talk to me more about his thought process involving other men. We haven't discussed any more hypothetical sexcapades since then, but it was months after the failed swap that I found the porn. As strange as it was, it did bring us closer and we were very grateful for one another. There was one event where we tried to partake in a swap (first try for us both), but it didn't work out very well. I'm putting forth what I think is a good amount of effort to be open sexually. I've read up on threesome etiquette, I think I could probably do something like that once I've had more time to digest the possibility. He has expressed a fantasy in watching me get fucked by some other dude and "wouldn't mind getting a blow job from an attractive man" (told me this a long time ago, nonchalantly). Hopefully a male would be fun for both of us. For some reason unknown to me that would make me feel more comfortable than inviting a woman. The thought has crossed my mind more than once to bring a male into the picture. I mostly felt the need to communicate with strangers about the subject. I'm sure we're fine, but if anyone would like to share similar thoughts/feelings that would be appreciated. I hope I'm not coming off as ignorant, I've just never experienced anything like this before. I'm mostly just writing this to purge some of my emotions.
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We'll just see how it goes, we have a very solid foundation and are extremely compatible. It's not often, but when it does I peruse a lot of threesome/bisexual threads on reddit to try and gain some perspective or insight into a lifestyle of more open sexuality.
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The event of discovering the gay porn was months ago, but it still creeps up on me, the potential of resentment or missed opportunities bothers and vexes me. If I were to do something sexual with multiple people I would rather we all be single and have no complications with trust or jealousy. That's wonderful, it just makes me ponder if I'm making some sort of mistake by holding possibly both of us back. He's told me I'm the only one and he would forego anyone else to keep me. He's definitely a thrill seeker and has a "you only live once" mindset. I used to think it would be fun to have other people thrown into the mix, but I don't think I was very invested in the relationship at that point (long, long time ago). I love my man, I hope I'm not holding him back. I don't really have a direction with this post.
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I've come very close to a couple MFFs which I regretted not partaking in, being that I would have been the third and both the couples were quite experienced. Nothing anywhere near that type of horniness has ever occurred again in me for the same sex. There was one crush I had a decade ago for a woman, it was definitely intense, but I feel it was a fluke. I'm not really attracted to women, I'm pretty positive. He's also intrigued with the idea of having a threesome with another woman involving me. He's not had any sexual experience with a man and I've known he's been curious. I want him to be open with me, I want to know my best friend, my lover. His reaction of discomfort made me the most upset, his worry about the stigma and being truthful with me made me feel disconnected from him. It was a strange mix of insecurity and confusion for myself and sorrow and pity for him. Usually I live by logic and open-mindedness (I thought). Honestly, it bothered me more than I expected. He seemed incredibly embarrassed and ashamed. I went ahead and opened it to find "twink" porn, I believe it's called. I knew right away what was going on, he's divulged information about bisexual curiosity in the past (long time ago). Very awkwardly and quickly he slammed the computer shut. He didn't know I was awake, I heard the sounds of sexytimes coming from the computer.